Well, another Cheshvan, another trip back to the Golah. The cycle will break next year, please God. Still, it was a wonderful time here. Last night with the Molchos was particularly nice, as it always is. More details to come, I hope.
However, during the court sitting, several policemen testified that Federman wasreminded me of this Monty Python routine:
hand-cuffed at the time when he allegedly assaulted and injured their
Usher: He can't hold the Bible m'lud.
Judge: Well screw the Bible! Let's get on with this bleeding trial,
I've got a Gay Lib meeting at 6 o'clock. Superintendent Lufthansa will you
please read the charge.
Superintendent: Is a charge strictly necessary, m'lud?
Judge: (heavy aside) The press is here.
Superintendent: Oh sorry! Right, here we go. You are hereby charged.
One, that you did, on or about 1126, conspire to publicize a London Borough in
the course of a BBC saga; two, that you were wilfully and persistently a
foreigner; three, that you conspired to do things not normally considered
illegal; four, that you were caught in possession of an offensive weapon, viz,
the big brown table down at the police station.
Judge: The big brown table down at the police station?
Superintendent: It's the best we could find, m'lud ... and five... all
The whole court shout together.
Court: Assaulting a police officer!
Prosecuting Counsel: Call Police Constable Pan-Am. (Pan-Am runs
into court and starts beating Njorl with a truncheon) Into the witness box,
constable ... there'll be plenty of time for that later on. (the policeman
gets into box hitting at anyone within range; his colleagues restrain him)
Now, you are Police Constable Pan-Am?
Constable: No, I shall deny that to the last breath in my body. (superintendent nods) Oh. Sorry, yes.
Prosecuting Counsel: Police constable, do you recognize the
Constable: No. Never seen him before in my life. (superintendent
nods) Oh , yes, yes he's the one. He done it. I'd recognize him anywhere,
sorry, super. (the superintendent looks embarrassed)
Prosecuting Counsel: Constable, will you please tell the court in your
own words what happened?
Constable: Oh yes! (refers to his notebook) I was proceeding in a
northerly direction up Alitalia
Street when I saw the deceased (points at Njorl) standing at an
upstairs window, baring her bosom at the general public. She then took off her
... wait a tick. Wrong story. (refers to his notebook) Ho yes! There
were three nuns in a railway compartment and the ticket inspector says to one of
them. (the superintendent shakes his head) No, anyway I clearly saw the
Constable: Defendant! Sorry. Sorry, super. I clearly saw the defendant
... doing whatever he's accused of...Red-handed. When kicked... he said: 'It's a
fair ... cop, I done it all ... Right... no doubt about... that'. Then, bound as
he was to the chair, he assaulted myself and three other constables while
bouncing around the cell. The end.
Spontaneous applause from the court. Shouts of 'more! more!'.
Pan-am raises his hands and the clapping and shouting dies down.
Constable: Thank you, thank you... and for my next piece of
Superintendent: I think you'd better leave it there, constable.
Prosecuting Counsel: Excellent evidence, constable (the constable
is removed, flailing his truncheon the while) ...